dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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