Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
