help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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