theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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