I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize