Betty ford says i'm here all night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
