is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
