69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
