Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
