I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
