oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
