quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
