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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
