i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
