he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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