My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
