clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
