she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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