It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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