Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
