Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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