Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
false alarm. still invincible.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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