Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
