Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
