if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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