How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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