Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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