that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
