therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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