operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize