fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
