How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
