What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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