I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
