my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we made out on top of his cat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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