I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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