He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
