I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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