3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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