I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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