Do you still have your period?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
