After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
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