guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
