and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
