My pussy is not your playground.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize