Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
