We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yo dont text me then not text me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
