im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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