everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
