In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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