so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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