What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
