I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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