she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
