I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
