you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
