i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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