the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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