you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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