You can't special order awesome
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
