He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize