Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
