dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
