dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
