it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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