Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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