But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to make out with him forever
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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