I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
