If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
