There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Barsexuality is the new black.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
